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I
want to talk to you about a great man: my father, Dr. Paul David,
founder and long-time director of Montreal’s Institut de Cardiologie,
who later on embarked on a new career in the Canadian Senate.The
final period of his life is less well-known, but he lived it with
the same perseverance and sense of challenge he’d shown earlier
in life. What happened was that Papa suffered a CVA that left him
aphasic and partially paralyzed. His aphasia was severe. He couldn't
say a word, couldn't write. Many people might think that with such
limitations, a person so afflicted no longer has much meaning to
his life, no longer has much to give to those around him or to society
at large. Let me tell you our story, his story.
When his CVA struck, we took turns staying with him in the hospital.
I didn't want to lose him so soon. Though I knew that the damage
was irreversible, I told myself that we still needed him. Actually,
I couldn't imagine how much courage it would take for him to maintain
a connection with the world – or how much he would be able
to give us. When he came home after six months of convalescence,
we sensed that the hour for making choices had sounded for him:
was he going to live or just get by, would he try, along with his
spouse and all the rest of us, to arrange for some moments of happiness,
or was he going to slip peacefully away? He decided to stay fully
alive in our midst, mindful of the smallest events in our lives
and lavishing affection on us! He had plenty to keep him busy: his
spouse, his six grown children, his seven grandchildren, his sisters,
his caregivers, former secretaries, very close friends. We all talked
to him about our lives. Frankly, at first when he asked me to talk
about what was going on in my life or my family’s, I only
wanted to amuse him, keep him busy, help him pass the time…
But I quickly realized that his way of listening, his warm reactions,
were of tremendous benefit to me. And far from quite simply slipping
away, time stopped for us, then and there. Finally, beyond the things
we did together (play cards, watch TV, chat, eat, help him get dressed,
and so on), safe from the bustle of the world outside, what mattered
was the relationship.
A number of
you must be wondering, How did you communicate with him? His wordless
sentences had their own melody, their own intonation: questions,
amazement, outrage, sorrow. His gestures spoke, let us know what
direction to follow. Yes or no, he expressed by nodding or shaking
his head. When I was worried about one of my children, he reassured
me with a motion of his big hands that meant “Don't get upset,
don't worry, time will sort everything out!”
When he wanted
to talk about certain matters systematically, he would show three
fingers and list them: “One, two three.” And we would
ask, Is this what you want to talk about? Then we’d word it
differently: is that what he was trying to say? It wasn't always
easy, for him or for us. It sometimes took more than a day to understand
each other. We would shelve the question temporarily, but we knew
there would be other opportunities, because he didn't let go. We
would either try again or suddenly, by chance, we would bring up
the subject he had in mind. What relief we read on his face!
What more can
I say? Of those seven years spent with him - that affectionate,
teasing man who was also something of a comic, sometimes sad and
frustrated - we have the memory of a man who was terribly alive
and who was there, present, for all of us. A very great person. |